Windows to Wounds

WINDOWS TO WOUNDS

I am convinced that the story of our childhood determines who we are as adults. As I have said many times before, none of us got through life without being wounded by our parents, siblings, teachers, coaches and so on. None of those people who influenced our lives as children were perfect. No, they had their own stories of brokenness that they were living out of. So it stands to reason that out of their own brokenness, they passed a little or a lot on to you and me. I am also convinced that unless we do something about those wounds, we will continue to struggle in our adult lives.

That is an old saying that my parents generation used to say a lot. It means that we can deny all day long that we were not wounded as children, however, the truth is in how we act or re-act in any given situation. For those folks that only see us in public, it isn’t always evident, yet others that are close to us are often aware that our reaction to certain circumstances is often over the top. We tend to bristle when someone pushes into our reaction and asks the “why” question. However, if we would just hit the pause button on our life in those situations and ask Jesus, “why did I just react that way?”, and then listen for his answer, we may begin to discover just where that reaction came from.

For some the answer may come quickly. The memory of the trauma from some of our more defining wounds is often right below the surface, and in some respects are easier to name and invite Jesus to come and heal them. Others may be harder to identify because they were more subtle or passive. Actually those wounds can be more harmful long term because they are harder to put our finger on. They are more like a cancer that can threaten to kill us, but go undetected for years. Either way, unless we can identify our wounds and get healing from them, they will continue to effect us and those we love.

Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash

Windows to a Wound

Over the years I have talked with many men who know that there is something wrong, but they do not know what it is, or where it is coming from. One of the ways I help men discover some of their more defining wounds from their childhood is by encouraging them to pay attention to their current passions or obsessions. One example from my own life is that I have always been afraid to let people see me with my shirt off. Yup, you heard me right…I have always avoided any and every situation where I might have to be shirtless. You see, when I was 12 my gym teacher embarrassed me in the middle of class when he told me that I was fat and needed to go home and get one of my mothers bras. Of course the entire class erupted in laughter and I was devastated. That was a defining moment in my life. From that time on I was convinced that I was fat, and that my physique was something to be ashamed of. The only thing that I knew to do was to hide. For decades every time I went to the beach, or to the pool I would not go swimming with my shirt off. I would lie about an injury so I didn’t have to play a game that was shirts or skins. I wore shirts that were too big for me, and developed a bent over posture that hoped would camouflage what I was convinced people would be disgusted by. I hated myself, and every time I walked by a mirror I would spew hateful things at that 12 year old boy that was flawed. I was nearly 50 years old when I began the journey back into my story to try and find out where that all started. If I am honest there are still days when I am disgusted at the man in the mirror, and, I have received much healing over the past decade as I have invited Jesus to redefine the way I see myself, and to believe that he has never seen me that way.

Photo by Luke van Zyl on Unsplash

Nearly every man that I have met with over the past decade has not one, but many of these kinds of stories, and most struggle to identify where the pain, fear, shame, anger, control and manipulation comes from. Maybe it is time that you stop, hit the pause button, and ask…where is this passion or obsession coming from. As Jesus unveils the broken parts of your story to you, ask Him to come and heal those broken places in your heart. My last 10% is that even after doing this work, you may find that you need help going back into your story. Find someone who is safe, that will lovingly and gently go on this journey with you.

– Pete