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FORGIVENESS WITH DAD
Let’s say you have done the early steps in the forgiveness process and allowed God to heal the effects of the wounding done to you by your father. And further, you have been experiencing the relief of having that weight lifted from you by God’s healing. Good work!
So now’s the time to go to your father and tell him you forgive him, right? You’ve done the first important steps in the healing, forgiving process and you are ready to extend your forgiveness to your father.
Well, you just go to see your father and you tell him you have forgiven him. You just tell him. “Dad, I want you to know I have forgiven you.”
Dad: “Forgiven me for what? I haven’t done anything.”
You: “Well… for wounding me. For being _______________ (fill in the blanks here – angry, absent, violent, abusive, mean, vacant, indifferent #@%!!*#@ etc).”
Dad: “ Well son, I am certainly sorry to hear you feel like you have to forgive me for being a lousy dad, but I think that’s your problem, not mine. If that’s all you came to say, you’ve said it. Are we done here?”
Of course, I am manufacturing this presumed dialogue. And yet, I know it is not far from the truth of many men’s experiences. So what is wrong with this approach? What is the fruit of a conversation like that? It’s this…
The work a man does with God to allow God to heal the effects of his brokenness and his wounds is a vital step in the process of forgiveness. And the bulk of the benefit comes to the man who was wounded. However, this step does not prescribe the next step. It only prepares one for the next step when and if it comes. It means the man who has done the first step will be ready to forgive his offender when the opportunity comes, when the apology comes from the father. And the fruit of this work? The man no longer walks around every day under the weight of his wounded heart. He can begin to live out of his healing. This is a work of God. We cannot do this for ourselves.
And, when the day comes, if it ever does, when the father comes to the son with a broken heart and a hopeful apology, the son will be ready to offer his forgiveness. His heart has been healed by God.
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